What if I never woke up?

THIS SHIT MOTHER FUCKING HURTS.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to fall asleep and never wake up. 

I think about ways to make this happen and how wonderful it would be to not have to ever 
worry about anything. Not having to give a shit about anything. Not having to cry yourself to
sleep any more. Not having to smile and laugh just to cover this hurt. No more crying in the 
shower so no one could hear you. No more screaming so loudly in your head for help yet 
nobody's there for you. No more wanting help yet having no courage asking for it. No more 
school, stress, regrets, hatred, jealously.

Sometimes I wonder if I could turn my life around, be reborn, turn back time. I would do

anything for that. ANYTHING. Anything, just to stop feeling like this..... 

But then, I think of the consequences. 
My family, how hard they have tried to bring me up right.
My friends and esp my sister, how much I would hate if they died and how they would feel
if I died....


And the most ironic thing is no matter how much I wished to die, I can't. 
I'm afraid. I'm afraid of death. I don't want to hurt people. I hate hurting people feelings 
cause I know how it feels getting hurt. 




So to guys out there who's tired of living in this fucked up world:

FUCKING SMILE & LIVE.

There may be no tomorrow, life's short. Live while you can. Live with no regrets.

Wait for love. Experience love. Get old. Watch the world change. LIVE. 

 Cause you don't know how many people could get hurt if you're gone.

Cause you won't realise how crushed and broken they will be in inside.

xx, Justsoheartache.