Your Sweetheart

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I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. ― Marilyn Monroe

September 30, 2015

Jackie and I

I'm in a relationship that has been going on for 1 year and 3 months.
We are both very different people you can say, we both have different mindsets different opinions and very incredibly different personalities. We are defiantly not soulmates I would say. (if soulmates exist) The only thing that we probably have in common is our taste for music, a very weird sense of humour and sarcasm but other than that nothing.

Jackie is a very close minded guy (but I believe I opened his mind a little due me being very accepting) he is fun and knows how to have a good time but sometimes if you're on a different page from him, you can easily find him childish and immature. He is devoted and very passionate for the things he believes in, he loves a challenge and would not back down due to his massive ego, it's hard to bring him down to his lowest because he's a fighter. He cares for people who he believe deserves to be cared for. He only gives respect to people who respects him, like a leader. Being a very straight forward person someone who doesn't sugar coat words and his harsh tone when he is talking, yes you can easily get into a fight with him or get started on a wrong foot. But no, don't get me wrong, he's outspoken he loves making friends and meeting different people, he is an extrovert.
Jackie is someone who craves for attention (like alot of attention) and someone who wants to be a people pleaser, he wants the world to love him and that's his dream. Me, being a realist and pessimistic person, I often demoralise him and tell him it would never happen. And well, I guess if you're reading this you probably would know what kind of person am I like but I'll just give you a description.
I am a open minded and flexible person. People would defiantly not find me either childish or immature because I have a old soul, I think too much sometimes which often restrain myself and sometimes others from having fun. But I know how to have fun with my friends which just takes a couple of drinks to ease me down and stop the thinking. I can be passionate for the things I love but I'm easily demoralise and lose faith easily for something that is too much of a challenge. I am a fighter but I only fight for people who I care and love for. I am not a straight forward person but I can be a good manipulator. I would not call myself a leader but instead a good follower however I don't like being in the wrong due to my high ego. I surround myself only with people I trust so it's hard for me to make friends and sometimes I find it pointless in making new ones because I already have does few who I need. I hate my birthdays I hate being the center of attention and I please people to make them happy not for them to like me.

So yes, we are different well we probably have more in common than I thought. Jackie and I were never meant to be together and it's surprising we got to our first year with a lot of petty arguments. We managed to only see each other and not people who disapproved. And coming to think of it, yes it was the right time the right moment that we started a relationship because we needed each other. But now, as time unravels us, we know each other we grew comfortable and the love in our hearts long for what we had during that right moment and time. Now, we need something else we need something to hold us together.
I need Jackie to be a stronger individual someone who needs to care for people more than himself. Someone who is selfless and thoughtful. Jackie needs me to be a less opinionated person who needs to understand and look at situations in a long run. Someone who is an optimism and a believer. I don't believe in people changing, I know a leopard doesn't change it's spots. Jackie believes in changes and he wants to change me, himself and us.

Right now, I actually don't remember why am I typing this for. I got lost in accepting who Jackie and I am. I faced the fear of knowing myself, my bad my good. I have the courage to face who Jackie really is his bad his good. Now I know why am I writing this for. (sorry I really did lost my trail of thoughts and this is me reflecting)

It is for Jackie to gather his courage to know me, to face my good and bad. I'm not sorry for having my own opinions but I am sorry for disregarding yours and not fully accepting you. I can say stuff that is extremely mean to you but it doesn't mean I mean it, it's just that I wanted to hurt you as badly or even more than you have hurt me. And because I know your weaknesses I know the exact words to bring you down. I'm sorry, I love you.