Your Sweetheart

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I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. ― Marilyn Monroe

August 22, 2011

Get the fuck away, don't act like you care.

Build walls or bridges?



Hi guys. Yes, I'm back to blogging a proper post. Please leave if you find it boring or whatever
shit. School is shit. Home is shit. Life is shit. But guess what, life still goes on. Fuck life.
Ever wondered when you're going to die? Or how you're going to die? Who will really care if
you died? Who will attend your funeral and cry every time  just when they see your dead 
body. Who will scream and yell or just break down seeing your body burn into ashes. Where
would you go if you died? Can you still experience love or hatred? Or will you rebirth and not 
even remembering your previous life? I want to experience death, but I'm afraid to die. Or 
maybe I don't want to die. Maybe I just want to see who cares. Who really cares and not just
being curious.... I want to feel love. I want to be loved. But why can't I feel any now?
Family, friends, siblings? Are they really there, are they really worried and concern? Or are
they just curious? Haha, i sound like a despo attracting attention bitch now. Yea, and guess
what? I am. I want attention. I want to be notice. Is it that hard to be there for someone
who really needs a listening ear or just giving them a comforting hug? 
Because seriously, I will.  
Haha, why am I even thinking about this shit anyway. I need to live life to the fullest. I'm
living life like there is always a tomorrow. And if maybe just one day, there is no tomorrow,
I'll leave life with regrets. (Not live, but leave. Like passing away if you don't know) I don't
know. I really hate this shit that I going through now. But I can't say my life sucks. It's just
shitty. And I'm just really so afraid to ask for more. I admit, I have kinda great friends and KINDA loving sister. So what the fuck I'm I complaining about? Wanting love? Fuck love.
I already have what I need. I don't need love or boyfriends or whatever hubby shit. I'm 
independent. I don't need somebody to always look out for me. But yea, I admit I might 
get lonely sometimes. But I really don't need a boyfriend. I've seen so many of my friends 
neglecting me because they have a boyfriend or girlfriend. And I, myself neglected my 
friends when I'm in a relationship too.  But now, no. I don't want a boyfriend. I don't want
to do that to my friends, they're worth more than that. 
(P/S: This gonna be awkward shit, if I end up in a relationship.)
(P/S/S: It's already awkward. If you relate to the first part of the post, I said I wanted love.)
Okay, I'm not thinking stably now.............  






















Getting for the emo picture to go with this post?




































I find myself here emo shit. Haha. Fuck.






xx, Justsoheartache.

August 11, 2011

You never knew, you never will.


Did you ever try seeing how much I'm hurting inside?


You don't know how it feels to be laugh and joke at.

You don't know how freaking paranoid and insecure I am.
You don't know how much I care about how people think about me.
You don't know how much it kills just trying to be society's ideal of pretty.
You don't know how it hurts wanting to be those beautiful girls out there.
You don't know how heart breaking it is to never be able to feel like one of those pretty girls.
You don't know how it feels going to bed with a empty stomach.
You don't know how it feels being afraid to eat, being afraid of gaining weight.
You don't know how much it hurts crying in the shower just so nobody could hear you.
You don't know how hard it is trying to hide all these tears behind this smile.
You don't know how terrible I feel keeping this all to myself, being afraid to tell others.

You'll never understand how it's like to be me.... 

And I'm sharing these all here now, not to gain sympathy or what shit, but posting my
feelings here in my blog. So I could read all these memories of me when I grow old.


xx, Justsoheartache.

August 09, 2011

Don't throw your life away.




Never ever commit suicide. It won't be worth it. 
Before you think about death, think about the guilt that goes along with it.
Do you know that killing yourself is the guiltiest and the most selfish thing you could ever do.
Because you're only thinking about how it will effect you.
But do you ever think about how it will effect the ones who love you?
People care about you.
No matter how much you think they don't, they really do.
If you were to leave this earth, I'm sure people would cry over you 
because truly, people do love you.


Killing yourself won't make you any happier.
And it won't make anyone else happier. 
So don't, no matter how tempting it is.
it's easier to smile than to frown, so give your face a rest and try it once in awhile.





xx, Justsoheartache.

August 02, 2011

Where is he?


To all those girls out there:


How long do you have to wait for your prince charming?
You grow up listening and reading about Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty or Beauty and the Beast,
but where's your prince?
Where's the prince who's suppose to swipe you off your feet and make your life a fairy tale?
Where's the prince who's suppose to make you the happiest girl in the world?
Where's the prince who's suppose to make you feel like the only girl in the world?
Where's the prince who's suppose to meet you and dance in the ball?
Where's the prince who's suppose to run after and chase you?
Where's the prince who's suppose to kiss you and magically, everything is gonna be okay?

Where's the prince who keeps you waiting and waiting but he never comes?
Where's is he when you need him to come save you the most?


In reality, your prince charming never exist.
In reality, you have to work hard for your living, no prince charming will just come around 
and swoop you off your feet or fight the enemy for you.
You have to work hard for what you want.
You have to make your own living in this fucked up world.
So stop waiting for your prince charming, cause he ain't coming.

So there's no point in crying your heart out for one fucked up guy cause he doesn't own your
world. He doesn't own your future. You make and decide your future on your own. 
Be independent. 





xx, Justsoheartache.