Are we ever too old for hugs?

I''m so confused.
With the relationships I'm trying to juggle and with myself.
I need to tell someone but I hate expressing myself so I guess sharing it with anybody here will do.
Relationships, isn't it so tedious having to try so hard to please everybody especially when all of them means the world to you and each of them represents a fucking part of you. I keep trying, maybe not hard enough, but why do I feel that it is enough when the people who are the dearest to me don't. Why do people always see the things that others did wrong but never appreciate or talk about the things others did right. It's weird isn't it, like we remember so clearly the bad things and the worse memory, while the good ones just vanish mysteriously in our minds. They mean so much to me, but I don't fucking know how to express it. I feel like I'm so bad at these relationships and that I don't deserve people. Why do I constantly feel without my presence, fate might have brought someone better to them. Someone more expressive, thoughtful and selfless. Do anybody fucking get me.
Myself, sometimes I'm contented and happy while other days I just feel that I'm at fucking rock bottom. Are these the fucking cliche 'pms' 'moodswings' or am I just mental. I'm so tired now, I was tired back then. Why am I always tired? What the fuck am I tired about? Why do I always look tired why do I always look sad. I don't know what's wrong but something is, do you get what I mean? It's as though there's nothing wrong, but there's something misfigured. There's always a loop hole in movies/books etc. And now there's a loop hole somewhere, I just don't know where or what the fuck it is. Finding a pin in the haystack you could say. I can't think properly now. My heart is beating. I'm alive. I'm still alive.