You never knew, you never will.

Did you ever try seeing how much I'm hurting inside?

You don't know how it feels to be laugh and joke at.

You don't know how freaking paranoid and insecure I am.

You don't know how much I care about how people think about me.

You don't know how much it kills just trying to be society's ideal of pretty.

You don't know how it hurts wanting to be those beautiful girls out there.

You don't know how heart breaking it is to never be able to feel like one of those pretty girls.

You don't know how it feels going to bed with a empty stomach.

You don't know how it feels being afraid to eat, being afraid of gaining weight.

You don't know how much it hurts crying in the shower just so nobody could hear you.

You don't know how hard it is trying to hide all these tears behind this smile.

You don't know how terrible I feel keeping this all to myself, being afraid to tell others.

You'll never understand how it's like to be me.... 

And I'm sharing these all here now, not to gain sympathy or what shit, but posting my

feelings here in my blog. So I could read all these memories of me when I grow old.

xx, Justsoheartache.